Freeman Brothers was first established as a funeral director in Horsham, West Sussex in 1855. The company now has a further three offices across the county – in Billingshurst, Crawley and Hurstpierpoint – and was an organisation that continued to operate throughout the COVID-19 pandemic. Today, we feature a guest blog from Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo HCOC Registered Psychologist and associate Fellow British Psychological Society. In response to the pandemic, Dr Tara set up the Conversation Starter Project in Horsham, and she offers some guidance here on how to cope with coming anniversaries…

The coronavirus pandemic exerted a significant impact on all of us. Literally overnight we were faced with restrictions on how we live and socialise with others. These restrictions meant that many people experienced isolation, loneliness, and other emotional and physical health implications as a result.

In the weeks, months and in some cases years after restitutions were relaxed, many people found it difficult to socialise and be around other people again. How to begin conversations again and enjoy life.

As the 5^th anniversary of the pandemic approaches, we will naturally begin to reflect on our experiences during that time. This may be something welcomed but it also may also be something we experience dissonance over talking about.

Here are some ways we can ensure we are comfortable in the way we navigate our post pandemic reflections:

The nature of the human condition is that we reflect and learn from our experiences. This means that we may be in the company of people who are talking about the pandemic, and this may include sharing difficult or emotive experiences. While it can be good to share experiences and emotions, it is also ok if this something that you don’t want to talk about.

There can be many reasons that this is not something you want to talk or reflect on too much. There may be painful emotions or memories associated with this time. This may include things such as grief or loss or relationships breaking down. We may have experienced isolation or missed significant life events or financial hardship. These can all take their toll on our emotional health and may be difficult to talk about or re-experience.

General boundaries are key. Some simple steps you can take in the lead up to the anniversary are:

• Limit your news intake- TV, radio and online
• Limit your social media use
• Think about who you are engaging with around the time of the anniversary. It’s ok to revise who you see or what events you go to

Having difficult conversations:

So we may want to talk about the pandemic or hear from the experiences of others. But we may also have a threshold for what we can manage when it comes to conversations but are not sure how to address this with those around us. Most of us hate to have difficult conversations with others. This can stem from a variety of things including a dislike of potential conflict, upsetting people or possible rejection as a result of what we say.

Some tips on having tricky conversations:

• It is important to be aware of your general boundaries in relation to the people in your life. Taking time to think about this will then help you maintain healthy relationships and will also help you navigate things should a strain on the relationship occur.
• There will be boundaries that are important to the core of the relationships in our lives and at other times there may need to be temporary boundaries such as if you are navigating a particular life event and require some space or are simply overwhelmed with demands.
• Part of good healthy relationships is being able to respect each other’s needs and have conversations about those needs. Boundaries my include how and when you share information or frequency of contact.
• Although it can be tricky, firstly it is important to remind yourself why you want to put a boundary in on talking about the pandemic.
• You may want to consider then what the boundaries may look like in action. Do you want an agreement for no discussions or a limit on how often and when the pandemic is discussed?

Practicing self-care

One thing that can help our overall wellbeing is looking after both our physical and mental health. When we are faced with adverse events it is even more important to look after ourselves. The 5-year anniversary of the pandemic may be a difficult time for many. Our memories and emotions can impact us physically.  The is a huge link between mind and body, so it is important to recognise signs that we may not be ok.

• Try and show some self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Engage in valued activities and take some time out to reset and look after yourself. Talk to trusted people about your feelings rather than keeping them bottled up. Spend time with valued people can also be helpful too.
• Taking reflections forward – you may want to reflect in your own way. Sitting somewhere, writing your thoughts down, lighting a candle are all ways you could do this.
• Basic ways to look after our mental health, include moving our bodies, keeping nourished and hydrated and adhering to a good sleep routine and daily routine. Connection with others is important as well as targeted time out to reset doing solitary activity. Engagement in value-based activities is also important.
• Never underestimate the power of moving your body to improve both your emotional and physical health. Movement doesn’t have to be in the form of formal exercise classes. Small, purposeful movements such as ascending and descending stairs, jumping jacks, a brisk walk in the fresh air. By gently moving our body we produce feel good chemicals and can benefit from lowered blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease, stroke, diabetes and some types of cancer.

The Conversation Starter Project is now a registered Community Interest Company and continues to thrive. You can find out more about it here