Freeman Brothers was first established as a funeral director in Horsham, West Sussex, in 1855. The company now has a further three offices – in Billingshurst, Crawley, and Hurstpierpoint – and continues to provide funeral services within these communities. Writing eulogies can seem a daunting task – Becky shares some suggestions…

How do you summarise a life? It can feel like a daunting task to distil perhaps decades into a speech to be delivered at a funeral, or service of thanksgiving, yet it is a task that many of us will face. There may be additional pressure due to having been nominated for the task, rather than volunteering for it, but help is at hand – this is our advice for how to write a eulogy.

Eulogies are about individuals
The first thing to remember is that there aren’t really any rules. Unlike other similar events – such as weddings – there are no legally required fixtures of funerals. There are absolutely conventions which may be followed (or broken!), but anything is permitted.

The sharing of a eulogy is a chance to offer the audience a picture of the person’s life. You are likely having to appeal to a broad age range, as well as those who would have known the deceased person very well, or perhaps only in passing.

In order to achieve this, it’s worth asking a variety of people for their thoughts if possible. You likely knew the person in a specific context – they may have been a friend, relative, colleague, or neighbour – and so may not have a full understanding of their life yourself. This is where other people can help to fill in the blanks and offer alternative perspectives, as well as a variety of anecdotes you may wish to include.

Think about the whole service
Whether you’re involved in the remainder of the planning or not, it’s worth knowing what else is being incorporated. There may be a theme that the organisers wish to highlight, or specifics that they would absolutely like to include. Remember not to make assumptions – if, for instance, the person who has died had children and grandchildren, do check whether they’d like to be mentioned by name or not. Relationships aren’t always easy to navigate, so it’s best to check.

There may be things that make for great stories, but that some people would also prefer remain private – some things either aren’t appropriate to be shared, or it’s just nicer for them to be more personal, rather than being broadcast to a larger audience. Of course, some people are very open about their lives, and it could be that nothing is off limits!

It’s particularly important to know what comes prior to the eulogy, and what will follow it – this will enable you to introduce the following section if necessary, and transition from the part prior to yours if you wish. Make sure that you know whether anything is to be left as a surprise – if this is the case, you don’t want to spoil it inadvertently.

Have a rehearsal
Even if you just read the eulogy aloud to yourself, it’s worth having a go in order to familiarise yourself. It can be a challenge, particularly if you find yourself becoming emotional, so practicing is a good idea. This allows you to be comfortable with what you’re going to share, and know when you will need to pause.

Be prepared to make adjustments in the moment – it may be that you raise a laugh, and need to wait for the audience to settle down again. If this happens, take a pause, and resume as soon as you can. If there are any names or other references you’re not sure how to pronounce, check with others who are involved, and make a note in a way that makes sense for you – the audience won’t see your script, so as long as you understand, it’s not going to impact anyone else.

As a backup option, it’s worth sharing a copy of your script with the person leading the service – whether this a celebrant or religious leader – so that they can take your place, or help if you are struggling.

Final thought on eulogies
This can feel like a highly pressured task, and remember that you have been asked to do this for a reason – at least one person thought that you’d do a good job! Share authentically, and highlight the person you miss, and you will likely deliver on the audience’s expectations.