This week is Dying Matters Awareness Week. Colleagues of local funeral director, Freeman Brothers, have chosen to share their perspectives on death and dying via the blog. Today, we hear from Chrissie, who works in Hurstpierpoint, and has answered the question of something that has most surprised her about the way someone she knew approached death and dying.
Being of Greek descent did not necessarily prepare me to fully understand the strict Greek funeral rites observed at my uncle’s funeral. My aunt’s approach to his death was rooted in tradition and grounded in a faith that offered both structure and comfort.
On a bright, sunny day in a North London cemetery, surrounded by magnificent monuments and winding paths through tombs, mausoleums, and vaults, I stood among hundreds of family and friends to say my final goodbye.
Before the burial took place, we gathered to eat bread and drink sweet wine. The practice of libation involves pouring wine to honour the dead as they embark on their final journey. Koliva, a memorial food made from wheat berries, is blessed by the priest and shared with everyone to ensure the soul remains at peace and is suitably ‘fed.’
Standing by the open grave was a stark reminder of life’s inevitable end. The mound of earth piled to one side was impossible to ignore; it felt both terrifying and surreal.
In my family, there seemed to be an abundance of funeral wreaths, which symbolise eternal life and infinity. Traditional Greek Orthodox condolences to the bereaved family include phrases like, “May you have an abundant life,” “Memory eternal,” and “May their memory be eternal.” Antiochian Orthodox expressions of sympathy include, “May God give you the strength to bear your loss,” and “May his memory be eternal.”
At the front stood my aunt, dressed in black from head to toe. The sound that pierced the air was indescribable – a high-pitched scream, something I did not expect and find quite difficult to describe.
I later learned that this was called ‘lamentation’ or ‘dirge’ – a loud wail of mourning accompanied by the beating of breasts and tearing of clothes. Tradition calls for women to express their grief for their loved ones through demonstrative public displays. The wailing serves as a way to convey the depth of their sorrow, based on the belief that the deceased can hear and assess their cries.
It’s essential to approach such situations with respect and understanding, recognising that everyone grieves differently and that wailing can be a legitimate and culturally appropriate way to express grief. The Greek Orthodox faith is steeped in tradition, providing comfort and reassurance during difficult times.
During the burial, the priest poured wine over the coffin in the shape of a cross, symbolising the last anointing and cleansing of the body and soul.
Greeks take the spiritual world very seriously and observe a series of traditions. Generally, the Greek Orthodox faith does not believe in cremation, holding the belief that with the coming of Christ, the body will be resurrected and reunited with the soul.
There are five stages in a Greek Orthodox funeral, which include:
- A wake, which begins the day before the funeral
- The funeral service
- The burial ceremony
- A post-funeral luncheon
- The memorial service
At the post-funeral luncheon, known as the ‘Makaria,’ which translates to the ‘meal of blessings’ or ‘mercy meal,’ everyone gathers to celebrate, share stories, and mourn over plates of traditional Greek food.
After the funeral, it is customary for the immediate family to take the following week off work. During this time, people often visit to pay their respects. Food plays a central role in these gatherings, so it is customary to bring food for the grieving family to ensure they are supported during the mourning period.
In the Greek Orthodox tradition, a memorial service occurs one week after a loved one has passed away, again after 40 days, and another service is held one year later.
I will always remember the seemingly relentless darkness that enveloped the household. Curtains were closed in every window of the house, and my aunt dressed in black, banishing all colourful clothes from her home.
I have come to embrace my Greek heritage, understanding that Greeks prioritise family in life, so why should it be any different in death?
Prompts answered this week were shared by Hospice UK
