As unattended or ‘direct’ cremations increase in popularity, the team at Freeman Brothers find themselves being asked more questions about this type of funeral. As you would expect from a long-established funeral directors, our clients through Sussex and Surrey often rely upon us for trusted advice on such a topic. Here, Freeman Brothers’ Manager, Abi Pattenden, talks about this choice and answers a few of the most common enquiries the company receives.

What is a direct cremation? Many people talk about a variety of scenarios under this umbrella, but for the purposes of this blog, direct cremation means those occasions when the coffin is taken to the crematorium and there is no service at all and no one present. Simple services with a few attendees being present are not what I am discussing here, although they are also possible to arrange and may be equally suitable for someone’s needs.

Why might I want a direct cremation?

There are several reasons someone might choose to have a direct cremation:

Where the funeral service has taken place elsewhere and there is no desire to go to the crematorium as well. If the funeral service has been designed to be less formal or traditional, attending might feel counter-productive.

There may be no-one to attend the funeral. This can happen for a variety of reasons. In this case, having a service for the sake of it might not seem sensible.

No one wants to attend the funeral. Not everyone has positive relationships and sadly people do alienate their relatives- some people choose a more isolated life. Again, having a funeral service when no one is willing to attend one may seem unnecessary in this circumstance.

Why might I not choose to have a direct cremation?

When there is a wish to commemorate the person who has died. A direct cremation can always be held in conjunction with a service elsewhere, perhaps something less formal or at a date convenient for more attendees. But having one instead of an event like this may mean that gathering together to remember the person who has died is something that just doesn’t happen.

When our religious preferences don’t allow it. Some religions prohibit cremation at all, and some have requirements around the deceased person which might make a direct cremation counterproductive.

When we want to say goodbye to the person in their coffin. In this case, it probably makes sense to have a funeral with the coffin in pace, although Freeman Brothers’ direct cremation package allows you to include viewing in the Chapel of Rest and then still have a direct cremation.

What are the other options?

You could have a simple cremation service, perhaps just listening to music or sharing memories. Many crematoriums offer shorter timeslots, or those earlier in the day, at a reduced cost.

You could use a service venue before the coffin is taken to be cremated. This is really an update of a traditional Church of England-style funeral service where everyone gathers together and the coffin is then conveyed to the crematorium later. However, you don’t have to use a Church for this, in our area there are many venues which are suitable, including Hills Cemetery Chapel in Horsham, operated by Freeman Brothers, which has the same facilities as a crematorium but gives you much more flexibility over service duration and the date and time.

You could have an informal get together perhaps in a pub or restaurant, or even a picnic on a sunny day. Or you could have a service connected to an ashes scattering or interment: perhaps you could scatter some of the ashes on the beach and have fish and chips? The options are as broad as your imagination?

What are the costs?

There are actually relatively few components which have to be included for a funeral to go ahead:

• the cost of the crematorium. This can vary between attended and direct services, different crematoriums and even times of day;
• someone to officiate (if you want this). Expect to pay about £200-£250 for a celebrant, although you can always take a service yourselves;
• fees for the funeral director or direct cremation provider. These can be less than you think- Freeman Brothers offers packages starting from just £1395 at the time of publication.

My parent/friend wants a direct cremation, but it’s not what I want. What should I do?

I am the last person to discourage people from discussing funeral wishes and I know that the first priority when someone dies is often giving them the funeral (or lack of, in this case) that they wanted. Therefore, it is good to know that the person who has died didn’t want a funeral service but hard when you want something different.

This is why we encourage people to have a proper conversation about funeral wishes, giving those who will arrange the funeral the chance to understand – and, maybe, push back slightly. If, for example, someone tells you they want a direct cremation because they don’t want you to be upset, and you have the courage to reply, ‘but I will be upset because you’ll have died’, then who knows what might come next. You have to know what someone thinks a funeral looks like to understand what they mean when they say they don’t want one. Marking someone’s dying doesn’t have to look like a funeral, and you don’t have to call it one. It can be a few friends meeting at a favourite beauty spot; a sit-down dinner in a hotel; a trip away to a special place; a night out to a show.

What are my next steps?

If you would like more information about direct cremations, or any other type of funeral service, then please do contact one of Freeman Brothers’ friendly teams at our offices in Horsham, Billingshurst, Crawley or Hurstpierpoint. We will be happy to give you as much advice as you need on a no-obligation basis, including how to proceed depending on your specific circumstances.