Freeman Brothers has been a Funeral Director in Sussex and Surrey since 1855. From our offices in Horsham, Billingshurst, Crawley and Hurstpierpoint, we help guide bereaved people through the arranging of a funeral with sensitivity and professionalism.
One of the hardest funerals thought to be organised is often that of a child, and today we look at what provision is there to support parents and carers when a child dies.
The Children’s Funeral Fund was introduced in July 2019 after a 30-year campaign for such a fund by MP Carolyn Harris, following the death of her own son. ‘Jack’s Law’, properly called the ‘Parental Bereavement (Pay and Leave) Bill 2018’ came into effect in 2020 and means that all employees, regardless of length of service, have a right to take time off if a ‘dependant’ dies. It was introduced following a campaign by Lucy Herd, whose son Jack drowned, aged 23 months, in 2010. Freeman Brothers welcomed the introduction of these laws which recognise that the loss of a child often has a profound impact.
Peter Freeman, our Proprietor, always felt that any parent experiencing the loss of a young child would be experiencing such a difficult time that alleviating the potentially unexpected costs of the funeral would be the least we could do, so we had always offered them at no cost, simply encouraging families bereaved of a child to try to consider what they wanted the funeral to look like, and providing our part of those services accordingly. Many other firms did the same, while some offered a simple package free of charge, with costs added for optional extras, and some firms did levy full charges.
This is not to say that funerals for children were without costs, though. Burial authorities may not charge for the burial itself, but might charge for the purchase of the plot (if applicable). Some crematoriums charge for children’s cremations. Then there are the costs for an Officiant. The Church of England specifies that children’s funerals are free, but other religions vary. A non-religious funeral would often be taken by a professional officiant. These are usually self-employed people, so officiating at a child’s funeral for free might be at the expense of other paid work- although most still do not charge.
The Children’s Funeral Fund was designed to remove this financial burden by covering costs for the funeral of any child who dies before their 18th birthday, including babies who are stillborn after 24 weeks’ gestation. Some of the items it covers are:
-the fee for a gravedigger;
-the cost of a coffin, up to £300.00;
-crematorium fees;
-the cost of removing and re-fixing a headstone;
-a cemetery fee;
-fees levied to buy an exclusive right of burial.
Other than removal from an existing grave and replacing it afterwards, there is no contribution to a headstone or other memorial. Often, a family chooses to bury someone (child or otherwise) because of the ability to memorialise them in this way, and so the burial of a child may result in costs for monumental masonry work. This is potentially problematic for anyone whose religion or customs require a burial with a headstone, but as memorial costs are so variable, we understand why this limitation is in place.
Jack’s Law is also designed to ensure there is time to grieve without the pressures of work, following the death of a dependent. It ensures that those eligible within a broad criteria can take two weeks off work within the 56 weeks following the death of their child, providing they were under 18 or stillborn after 24 weeks’ gestation.
While the introduction of Jack’s Law was undoubtedly positive, it led us to consider:
1: Everyone is different
This law recognises that parents need time to grieve after the death of a child. However, no two peoples’ grief is the same and so the amount of time they will need will vary. It would be problematic if two weeks became synonymous with the ‘right’ duration, and that people either felt after that time they should be ‘better’, or if they wanted to get back into the daily routine sooner but felt this timescale implied that doing so might be ‘wrong’.
2: What about others affected?
Grandparents who are involved in the care of their grandchildren and may still be working; a child could easily have siblings in full-time work. Either of these groups, and others, might benefit from time off to grieve. It’s often not only the parents who are directly affected by the loss of a child.
3: What about other losses?
Jack’s Law has no provision for baby loss before 24 weeks’ gestation. This seems an omission. Additionally, the introduction of Jack’s Law in isolation, comes with the risk of suggesting that other losses might mean less. Deaths of young people are often thought to be especially tragic because of the hopes and dreams had for that child. Other bereavements can be significant too, and provision for bereavement leave is currently patchy and largely down to the goodwill of the employer- the forthcoming Employment Rights Bill will establish a right to statutory bereavement leave to close this gap.
Both these pieces of legislation provide practical help at the most difficult of times. While we have some reservations about both, as we have expressed above, we welcome the spirit in which they seek to address some of the practicalities of being bereaved of a child at a time where any assistance is probably welcome and it’s probably not practical to offer every means of support that might be needed.
Leading from this legislative focus on being bereaved of a child, Freeman Brothers would welcome the government encouraging people to talk more about death and dying. This includes children if they are bereaved of, for example, a sibling or classmate as well as other family losses. There is clear evidence and much anecdotal report on the detrimental effect of bereavement in childhood being dealt with poorly and familiarity with the topic among us all can only be helpful at this most sensitive of times.
