Freeman Brothers began as a funeral director in Horsham, West Sussex, in 1855. The company now has a further three offices across the county – in Billingshurst, Crawley and Hurstpierpoint – and employs a dedicated team of staff who continue to maintain a high standard of customer service. Last week, the US Emmy awards hit the headlines for a perceived sleight against a member of their community who has recently died. Becky takes up the story…
The ‘in memoriam’ segment of last week’s Emmy awards ceremony prompted much discussion via social media. Many people were upset that the actor, Matthew Perry, had been left out, and couldn’t understand why. Speculation was rife that his exclusion was linked to the circumstances of his death in October 2023, and developments during 2024 regarding arrests having subsequently been made in connection with the end of his life.
However, the truth was far simpler and more innocent: Perry had been included in the previous ‘in memoriam’ message, which had been broadcast in January 2024. Many had forgotten that the 2023 awards ceremony had been delayed: the Emmy awards have been held in September since the late 1970s, though there have been a handful of shows take place in August since then, and two more notable exceptions. These were the 2001 awards, and the 2023 one, with the latter being due to a then-ongoing writers’ strike. When the strike ultimately ended, the 2023 edition was held in January 2024, which meant that Perry and other stars who died during the latter months of 2023 were memorialised appropriately.
This recent perceived sleight is not the first involving Perry: UK organisation, BAFTA, holds two ceremonies annually – one in celebration of the film industry, and the other recognising television. Officials were forced to release a statement when their 2024 ‘in memoriam’ section of the film awards didn’t include Perry, and they clarified their intention to honour him during the television awards later in the year. This could indeed have been a difficult decision on their part, as Perry was arguably far more famous for his role in the TV show, ‘Friends’ than anything else, but had also worked in the film industry.
The whole incident has made me think about the honouring of celebrities in this way, and I wondered whether those closest to someone are either informed or asked about their inclusion. This is because we hold our own annual Community Remembrance Service, which includes an Act of Remembrance. Whilst the types of events differ – ours is not an awards ceremony, but a specific remembrance occasion for those in our local area – we do include names on an opt in basis, asking people whether they’d like their loved one’s name to be read out, rather than making this an opt out scenario, where we would assume that a name should be read unless told otherwise.
This is in recognition of the fact that, for some people, there is such a thing as memorialisation occurring too soon. We appreciate that everyone is different, and offer no judgment in this regard. When we set up the event, we chose a time period to work with, in order to factor for potential sensitivities – generally, we do not contact someone regarding our next event if their loved one has died during that year’s October, November or December, and those people are contacted the following year instead. We have received positive feedback on this policy – I can think of at least one person who was contacted and calmly expressed that they were interested, but not for the forthcoming event and would instead appreciate their loved one being included in the subsequent event.
I then did some more research into another familiar awards ceremony which incorporates an ‘in memoriam’: the BBC’s Sports Personality of the Year. This event takes place in December, and I clearly remember the 2022 edition for a couple of reasons. There were a couple of particularly high-profile people who had died that year – notably former-rubgy player and campaigner, Doddie Weir (who had died in late November), and former-cricketer, Shane Warne (who had died much earlier in the year) – and the song chosen to soundtrack the clip was Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Songbird’, notable as a composition by member, Christine McVie, who herself died in November 2022.
As a result, I wondered whether the BBC had a policy like ours and, having checked the list, it would appear that theirs is also a on the flexible side. The majority of those on the list in 2022 had indeed died between December 2021 and November 2022, with one person included who had died in December 2022. The pattern followed through to 2023, although there was also someone included who had died the day prior to the awards ceremony.
What I have learned from this experience is that, once again, there is no outright right or wrong when it comes to death. Just as every life is different, so is the way in which we honour and remember each person – if they were important to someone, and that person would like them to be included, then that is what ought to happen.
The 2024 Freeman Brothers Community Remembrance Service will take place on Wednesday 4th December, and we will soon be opening requests for those to be added to our Act of Remembrance. If you would like to be contacted regarding this event, please get in touch.
